A Letter to Satan. Um. Santa. Um. One of those.

A stone figure of Santa against a background of fire and blackness

I asked my writing group for a writing prompt for this week. They said to do the “kid misspells his letter to Santa and it gets delivered to the wrong place.” Well, not only is this a prompt that’s been around for a while on the internets, but it’s turned into a movie, or so I’m told. Here’s the thing. In such prompts, Satan usually delivers. Which is… weird to me. So fine, let’s explore.

“Your excellency, another letter arrived.”

“One would think the extraterrestrial letter carriers would have figured this out by now. Was the messenger appropriately incinerated?”

“Yes, lordship. Would you like the same done to the letter?”

“Yes. Wait- no, let me see it.”

A letter that looks like it was written in purple crayon. It says:
"Dear Satan
Can I hav a X-box for Crismas? And a tV to plae it on?
I at my peas like Mom said.
Lov Tim."

“So. Tim wants an X-box. This is 6 year old Timothy Callens from the apartment by the railroad tracks in Lanesford in Virginia, right?”

“That’s the Tim.”

“He has been rather good this year. Hm. You know what, go ahead. Find a nice TV and an X-box from… Lanesford doesn’t have much in the way of big box stores, do they? They’ve got the Wal-mart though. That’ll do. Find a good set there, wrap it up, send it to him on Christmas Eve.”

“…Your lordship? You want to reward him for being good?”

“No, I want him to feel rewarded. Yes, actually, write on it “Thank you for eating your peas like Mom said.” Type it please. That should work.”

“As you wish, sire. I confess, I’m confused though. Will this not encourage the good behavior?”

“It will encourage him to feel he should be rewarded for the good behavior, yes. And when next year he’s tried harder and does not receive a similar gift, he’ll wonder if it was worth it. Besides, he’s not the only child in that household. How many siblings does Tim have?”

“Let me see… three, I believe.”

“And what will they be getting for Christmas?”

“Hm… Books, socks, some toys their parents found in good condition at the thrift store… I see.”

“Jealousy. Exactly. Not only that, but the parents will be suspicious. Where did this come from? They didn’t buy it, and they didn’t approve each other’s buying of it. They don’t know where the money would have come from. Two parents working dead-end jobs? That’s not new X-box and TV levels of money for the holidays.”

“So, suspicion, jealousy, entitlement… do you think you’ll get more from this?”

“Oh, there’ll certainly be infighting amongst the kids about who gets to use it when. Tim is the perfect age to say it’s his and he doesn’t want to share. His older siblings will want to try though and will be upset Tim got it and not them, and they’ll all be furious if the younger sister so much as touches it with her little drool covered hands. That’ll fray the parents’ nerves for sure. I expect the peace in the household to plummet. Yes, I expect good return on this investment. Might pay off in spades for years to come.”

“It shall be done.”

One can hope that Tim learns to share and this turns into a good experience for the family instead, even if the mysterious benefactor is never discovered.

One (me) also hopes that your holidays are pleasant, full of good surprises, heartwarming times, and family and friends who uplift each other. Merry Christmas y’all.

Intellectual Property of Elizabeth Doman
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